Archive for the ‘Drawings – 2008’ Category

THE TIME HAS COME…and gone.

December 1, 2008

I’d like to invite you to join me on a journey back in time.

It’s 1994 and I’m sitting in the high school library with a friend of mine. Guns n’ Roses’ The Spaghetti Incident? has just been released, and everybody’s savaging it with the mockery it so richly deserves. My friend, an avid G n’ R fan at the time, says, “Oh, don’t worry.  They’ll have an awesome new album out within six months, which will totally redeem them.”  I made a bet with him that U2, my favorite band at the time, would release a new album before G n’ f’n R.

Fast forward to 2005, when the New York Times prints this article about the still unreleased “new” Guns n’ Roses album, Chinese Democracy:

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/03/06/arts/music/06leed.html?_r=1&scp=11&sq=chinese%20democracy&st=cse

A chronicle of Axl’s fits, rages, and many, many aborted release attempts, the article, as all good reporting should, shines a light on over ten years of rumors, aborted release dates, and constant ridicule.

I was never really a big G n’ R fan (although I did love Appetite when I was eight).  But when, in 2006, word came – again – that the album was finally ready for release, I got excited.  So much had happened since that day in the high school library (including, like, 4 U2 albums) that it seemed like it should be a big deal, even if the record was destined to be nothing but mediocre.  I wanted to have a big release party outside Tower Records.  I sent this email to my dear friend SheWalksSoftly:

Sent: Friday, October 06, 2006 3:13 PM
Subject: November 21

Free up your calendar for November 21.  Yes, that has been announced as a “firm” release date for Chinese Democracy:
http://www.rollingstone.com/rockdaily/index.php/2006/10/05/holy-eff-chinese-democracy-finally-gets-a-release-date-maybe/

She replied:

“Oh, it’s ON for the 21st!  It’s been marked!  I’M SO PSYCHED!”

The joke, of course, is that we had probably sent over a hundred of these emails back and forth through the years.  But not only did November 21, 2006 fade away without Chinese Democracy, but so did Tower itself.  Yes, during the holiday season that year, the cornerstone of my youth folded and died.  No Tower Records would ever sell a copy of Chinese Democracy.

So.  Around a month ago, it’s announced that, at last, after all the cancellations, after all the scraped demos, rumored release dates, false alarms and law suits, the now-legendary Chinese Democracy would be released on November 23, 2008 as a…Best Buy exclusive?

No fanfare.  No fuss.  Just a sheepishly small “The most anticipated album…ever” slogan on a Best Buy circular.

And yes, the album is as mediocre as anyone could have possibly predicted.  Nobody thought it would be great, but I’m sure there were people holding out hope that it would at least be so bad that you could laugh at it.  But no.  It’s just….there.  Dana and I sat in the car and listened, as I tried to make something out of the nostalgia I felt, trying  to explain why this release should have meant something.

So, now.  This is by far the bloggiest post I’ve ever done.  (Current Music: “Prostitute.”  Current Mood: Wistful.)  And you’re probably wondering to yourselves, “Um, where’s the silly little picture?”

Well, I suggest you refer all criticism to Axl:

PS – The alternate title of this post should be “He’s got eyes that it seems to me, remind me of childhood memories…”

Advertisements

Famous Baseball Player

November 9, 2008

Just to make sure there is no ambiguity…this is how I imagine that Derek Jeter would ask a woman out on a date:

 

Rosie vs. The Hipsters

October 28, 2008

This is Rosie.  She just doesn’t know where she fits in anymore.

Slick hipsters like this guy (that’s a cigarette butt in his mouth, for the record) are the reason why:

Chainsaws? I don’t like chainsaws!

September 21, 2008

Here is my artistic rendering of the talking tree in front of the haunted house at Long Island’s Adventure Land amusement park.  At least, this is how I remember him, since I was last there when I was 10 or so.

Here is a transcript of the conversation he had with the owl that used to hang out on his branches (shit, I forgot to draw the owl!) as best as I remember it.

Owl:  I wouldn’t go in there, if I were you!
Tree:  Why not?  What’s wrong with a little fun in the dark at Adventure Land?
Owl:  Nothing – if your idea of fun is being chased by a man with a CHAINSAW!
Tree:  Chainsaw?  I don’t like chainsaws!  I once had a close shave with one!
Owl:  Then watch out you silly tree, because I think…I hear…him COMING!
Tree: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Owl:  MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I never understood why the tree joined in on the maniacal laughter, considering how frightened he was supposed to be by that point.

I really hope he’s still at Adventure Land.

You May Be Right

September 11, 2008

Stranded in the combat zone!
Walked through Bedford Stuy alone!
Even rode my motorcycle in the rain!

Yeah man, I’m baaaaaad.  Bad ass, man.  Yup.  Dude, I’m SO bad, I walk THROUGH POOR NEIGHBORHOODS ALL BY MYSELF!

I’ll also be keeping my eyes open for those same neighborhoods to get nice, y’know.  Buy my daughter a condo there, maybe invest in a wine & cheese shop and whatnot.

But that’s all a few years down the road.  For now, I’m going to be a real tough guy and continue singing about how I WALKED THROUGH BEDFORD STUY ALONE!

I just may be the LUNATIC you’re looking for!

*Note:  Yes, I live in Long Island and I’m sick of hearing Billy Joel songs everywhere I go.

That’s Your Uncle Talking

September 5, 2008

Judgment Day

September 2, 2008

Alternative Title: “Hangin’ Out in Williamsberg”

Fella

August 31, 2008

Turn It Up!

July 25, 2008

This one’s inspired by a Bruce Springsteen song, which was in turn inspired by a Sam Cooke song:

Meet me at Mary’s Place.

Suffer in Silence

July 20, 2008

Yup…taking way too long to post these.  No doubt about it.